Feelings...

AussieinAmerica has done some wonderful entries on being happy (links below). If you've been keeping up on my blog, you know we've been run through the wringer lately. And yet, I consider myself a happy person. I'm so grateful for what I have because I know how fragile life is and I accept it, enjoying each fleeting moment in time. Does this mean I'm happy all the time? Of course not! How robotic would that be? I'm more the "wear your heart on your sleeve" type.

Many people in my life who love me dearly (you know who you are) wanted to keep me distracted recently after the death of our cat. Their intentions were noble, but my daughter voiced my own thoughts. "It seems like every time we lose a cat we have friends and relatives over distracting us, and I just want to feel sad right now." To me, that is so beautiful. My daughter is doing what took me more than half of my life to learn. She is embracing her feelings. You see, it's OK to feel the "bad" feelings sometimes. Feelings are like children--when you recognize them and accept them for what they are, they don't feel the need to act out and become uncontrollable. Distractions prevent me from being with my feelings and dealing with them in a healthy way. For me, that healthy way is meditating, discussing, drawing and writing.

Discussion is the hardest for me. I've often talked about how I've felt only to have my listener try to "fix me." I honestly don't expect others to solve my problems, I only want a sympathetic ear to use as a sounding board to sort out my feelings. It took me years to understand this enough to explain to my husband, but I'm happy to say he's finally learned to keep quiet when I'm on a rant and let me talk it out of my system. He is my best friend and I'm blessed to have him in my life.

I was very quiet about Guru's health with family and friends. This was the 5th cat we've lost over the past few years. I was embarrassed that I was facing this again and afraid of jokes about our luck with pets or scolding fingers hoping that we've learned our lesson about adopting a new pet after losing one. When I finally began confiding, I actually did face such comments. But recognizing these feelings has helped me deal with those off the cuff remarks. I know my family and friends love me. I know that some them don't understand. I know that I wouldn't understand if I were in their shoes. I do not regret adopting Guru or any of the others we have lost. They were all special and I'm thankful for the gift of their love and spirit, however short their time with us.
I'm HAPPY.
Being Happy!
Being Happy Part 2