Friday, June 17, 2011

Personal Favorites: Revisiting the Fire Swamp

Slightly tinkered with from my original post of 5/28/09 and then reposted after I inadvertently edited the original instead of posting the updated edition. Everything clear to you?

Once upon a time, a long time ago and after Westley and Buttercup became parents, they thought long and hard about the benefits of homeschooling their children. In spite of the concerns of their family, friends and neighbors, they worked through their struggles to teach their own. But it wasn't always easy.

"We'll never be able to do this!" Buttercup cried. Westley held her close.

"Nonsense! You just say that because the naysayers never have!" He pulled Buttercup to her feet and they walked along the forest trail as their children explored the natural world around them. "What are the dangers of homeschooling? Well, according to our critics, our children are too sheltered and unprepared for the real world. No problem there, since they have been taught self defense by Fezzik, swordplay by Inigo, and we have shown them the secrets of the Fire Swamp. Second, we've been told we aren't qualified to teach them. No need to worry about that! Most people only need to hear about our rise from humble peasantry to princess and pirate captain to know that we are well studied and ready to help our children learn..."

"But Westley," Buttercup said, "What about the S.O.U.S's?"

"Socialization Of Unusual Situations? I don't believe they exist!"

At that moment, Westley and Buttercup were attacked by a vicious creature, half man and half animal. It wore a ragged robe with a large S over its muscled frame and held a dodgeball menacingly as it verbally abused them. The putrid stench of gym lockers and cafeteria food hung about the S.O.U.S. The creature's age shifted as it looked at each of them in turn, matching the age of the person its gaze fell upon. Westley told Buttercup and the children to stay back, but his children were not about to let their father fight this battle alone. Young Robert drew his sword and little Violet mounted her pony and jockeyed behind the beast. Robert blocked a blow from the ball, popping it. Violet whacked the creature with her History of the World, unabridged. The beast fell to the ground and raged while Buttercup tied it up. "Those children should be in school!" it shouted, "They need to be properly prepared for life! What about sports? What about prom? What about socialization? Learning outside of school is... is... INCONCEIVABLE!"

"Socialization?" said Violet, " I do not think that word means what you think it means. You should work on your vocabulary."

"What should we do with him, father?" Robert asked.

"Leave him," Westley said, "Whatever else happens, I want him to live a long life, alone with his ignorance. Come children, we don't want to be late. Miracle Max promised to give you a botany lesson."

(Written after one too many viewings of The Princess Bride. Ideas compiled by various family members. )


Paula Vince said...

It's definitely presents itself as a very fierce beast, that one! This is great.

Jessica said...

LOVE it! I love that movie and book- equally. It's not often one can say that about the book and movie. Very clever.

Inner Elder said...

Enjoyed reading this so much. What a delightful way to describe the challenges. Love, Mom

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