May was hard. So, so, so hard. Trying to adjust to financial changes while at the same time trying to celebrate all of my miracles took an emotional toll on me. I still find myself avoiding quiet moments. Reflecting seems to bring out the depression and self-doubt in me and I start to panic and tear up. I don't have time for tears. I need to be action-oriented.
My action from the start was to let both libraries we go to know that I was available for work, any work really, so that I could at least slow the drain of finances. We've lived frugally, so we do have savings to help us through the short term, but without knowing when my husband will find work, I knew I had to do whatever was necessary to keep us in the black.
And that was scary. I haven't looked at my resume in twenty years. Since my last full time job, most of my work has been sporadic. I occasionally teach crafts or circus arts at schools and libraries. My main focus has been on my kids, homeschooling them and taking them where they needed to be.
Homeschooling has been a godsend for me. I know most of us do it because of what our kids get out of it, but we take for granted what we, as the educational facilitators, get out of it. I love learning as much as my children do. I know how to think creatively and out of the box to figure out how to accomplish things. I know how to seek advice and help from others who are more knowledgeable in areas where I feel uncertain.
One great piece of advice was to use my volunteer experience on my resume. You know us moms, we always downplay the things that we do purely out of love. But all of that time I've spent running the homeschooling storytelling workshops and helping out sorting book donations and helping run the bookstore for the library friends was valuable experience. I pass this advice to any homeschooling parent reading: if you have the time when your kids are older, you should definitely find some volunteer work for yourself doing things you love. That experience counts toward a future after children are grown and homeschooling is finished.
At the beginning of June, I started training as a library clerk. It's only part-time work, but at least we have some money coming in. I hope it won't be too much longer before my husband can find work as well. These changes happen for a reason. I know I'm blessed that I had as many years as I did being able to stay home with my kids, and let's face it, they don't need me as much as they did when they were younger, and not in the same way. I hope I'm showing them how to be resourceful and not just lay down and curl up when challenges come their way.
Full disclosure here, I did lay down and curl up a bit. In my defense, we've faced a lot lately. At least I waited until I had the job before I let everything get to me. I'm pushing it down again, because if it doesn't help, it needs to get out of the way. I'm trying to take care of my family here.