My greatest fear is criticism. Which is silly, because I tend to go against the grain a lot. Starting with my desire to have a homebirth (unfulfilled until my third pregnancy), breastfeeding, family bed, extended breastfeeding, homeschooling, I always seemed to find myself taking the road less traveled.
But that doesn't mean I didn't care about what others thought. I really do seek approval, especially from family and friends. I like the reassurance that I am doing the right thing because making decisions is scary for me. Perhaps because I was the youngest, I haven't always trusted my judgment, even when I've researched and agonized over my choices.
I still look for reassurance, but as the years pass, I realize that reassurance comes from watching my kids grow and mature. And they tell me I'm doing a good job.
5 comments:
I think a lot of people are that way. I am happy to be doing what we are doing, but I don't like being criticized for it either. And I have had it happen too- and I love that you had a home birth by the way, something I wish I could do too. Its hard to have people look over what you are doing and critique it. I think you are very strong to be still going. I am very thankful to be living in a very lax state. Its really nice, but I am scared to death for when I even have to send in my affidavit in 2 years.
I'm that way too - criticism gets me all twisted up inside. Confrontation does, too.
Kudos to you, then, for going against the grain in so many areas of your life, because it's what YOU felt was the right thing to do, even when it opened you up to criticism.
I'm really interested to hear about your homebirth, family bed, and extended breastfeeding.
I've always wanted to do a homebirth but have been too much of a wuss. I'm quite disappointed with myself over it.
Anyway, good luck with your school district report! Who cares if they think you're doing it wrong? Your children seem really happy, intelligent and well-adjusted. For what more could you ask?
Maybe your fear of criticism was handed down. OOps! Sorry about that. What I've learned as I get older is that conquering this fear, like many others, is a lifetime process. It's not only your kids who are growing and maturing - you are too. You have an awareness of your need for reassurance. And it seems to me that you do trust your judgment - your actions prove it. One day you will not even need reassurance from outside sources; you will be able to trust your actions completely. And if you make a mistake, it shows you are taking risks to grow and change. And you will learn from them. Mistakes are great for learning.
PS How could your school district dare to criticize your teaching skills? It might be fun to check out their record and results.
Love, Mom
I believe I have mentioned before how awesome I think your mother is.
I LOVE criticism and confrontation!
NOT!! That's why I was thrilled when I learned about umbrella schools. All I need to do is send in attendence. No testing, no reporting, no teacher evaluations.
Yea!!! Works for me!
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