Tuesday, January 5, 2010

It's My Wonderful Life

Today is the eve of Little Christmas. Some of you know the significance of this date. Those who are new here can read the full story here. It's hard to believe it has been 15 years since my worst asthma attack. Marina's age marks each passing year. She was only one that night my husband and my father rushed me to the emergency room. I can still see her little face, so scared and uncomprehending. I remember the feeling of wanting to comfort her, to reassure her, but not being able to even speak. The memory brings tears to my eyes.

What would I have missed if that had been my last moment? I know that sounds morbid, but it is a thought that haunted me for many years after the event. To have a second chance makes you wonder what your purpose is. Why am I here? It is not a question that can be answered directly after the experience. But fifteen years later, there is a clearer picture of what I might have missed.

Homeschooling. I hadn't even thought about the possibility of attempting such a thing. Marina would have ended up going to school somewhere. The idea of it was brought up by me after a friend of mine brought me to a homeschooling meeting. I was the one that took on the teaching while my husband worked. The one who searched for local support when I felt so alone in my decision. I might be wrong, but I don't think my husband would have attempted this without his crazy wife to lead him down the path less traveled.

Home Spun comics. It goes without saying that my blog and comic strip would not have existed. No homeschooling, no need for support, no need for a creative outlet for my writing and art. At that point in my life, I was still doing juggling shows and facepainting. It was much easier to balance (no pun intended) my motherhood and other activities when I had only one child. Which reminds me...

Chase and Sierra. Fifteen years ago, we were at the beginning of our journey as parents. We only had our little Marina, who was not even two. Chase wouldn't come until the spring of the following year. Sierra was years away from life. How incredibly different life is now! I cannot imagine a life without my younger two.

I am so grateful I have had fifteen more years to learn to enjoy life and to appreciate all I have been given, from a simple breath to the joy of watching my children grow and learn at home with me. Life parades by in all its splendor. I don't want to watch it from the crowd, I want to fully participate, march along, wave my little flag and make a complete fool of myself. I don't know how long I have, but if the past fifteen years are any example, I still have a lot of living to do.


Anonymous said...

Happy Three Kings Day! to all of you.
That experince of fifteen years ago was a lesson from the
Teacher-Creator to show us all how to care and love. When we are in the middle of a life or death issue, we find stregth and emotional stamina we did not know existed until that critical moment.
I have always loved you, your creativity, wild imagination, determination,and your sense of fun, freedom and family sharing. With every hug I give you, I thank God for the joy you bring to me, your mother and everyone with whom your amazing and enlightening life experinces
I love you,

jugglingpaynes said...

I love you too, Dad. You and mom both.

~*~The Family~*~ said...

It is great that you celebrate this day! We seem to celebrate the the wrong days as milestones, such as graduations, anniversaries, etc., when those are the days that are stepping stones but not the days that really deep down changed our inner selves and made us stronger and more focused on the things that truely bring joy and focus to our lives.

Happy Little Christmas to you!

ComfyDenim said...

Your dad's comment moved me as much as your post did. :-)

You have LOTS of living to do.
Can't wait to read about it, too.

The Stone Age Techie said...

I am not ashamed to admit that I am totally crying right now :-)

Thank you for sharing about your second birthday, and also for your blog, and for your bloggy friendship. Reading your comics and your posts makes my day!


Cheryl Henderson said...

I love your comics! This is so cool. Do you have a place where you keep them all or do you create one for each new post?

And I agree, everyday is a gift and we should rejoice that we have it to spend with our loved ones.


Mama Self said...

I have been out of the loop for a while, so I just now caught up with all the entries I've missed. God is SO good to us! Thank you for sharing so much, as you are such an encouragement.

Life is good. It is a gift, and we are able to share it with others along the way. May this year be another blessing to you and your fam, blog friend.

Inner Elder said...

As you can see your gift of a second life has impacted us all - way beyond what you can imagine. I am forever grateful that I still have you. I cannot imagine my life without you. Love always, Mom

Vicki said...

Still looking for that like button...
and being the selfish person that I am, I'm gonna telling you that God knew I would need you, too!

Thank you for being the wonderful person you are. Many, many lives beyond your family, are so blessed because you are in the world!

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