Saturday, August 3, 2013

The Labor of Anxiety

Independence. The process begins from the very moment our children are born.  Each milestone we help them achieve takes them another step closer to their own adult life. Within their short time with us, they must learn to eat, to walk, to clean themselves, to communicate, the list goes on. If you were to give each new parent a summary of what their child must achieve and their own role as mentor to this new life, I'm sure it would overwhelm more than a few of us.

We watch them grow. We give them the tools they need to learn what they need to learn for their future. I never sent my children to school, so I delayed those first moments of sending them out into the world without me. Not that it is the same as sending an adult out into the world. We expect our children to be cared for by others in our absence. Adults are responsible for themselves. There are still people who will help them, but they must seek out that help on their own.

Marina is finishing up her trip to England. I'm waiting for the flight to land. For me, the hardest parts of the trip are the travel, both the flights and her weekend trip to London when she was virtually on her own. I trust her to take care of herself--she even booked a room at a hostel on her own--but that doesn't help me feel any more confident. She is out of my protective reach. I'm sure my mom felt the same way the first time (and the many times after) that I took the subway into the city alone. The "mom-instinct" wants to protect her young. She doesn't understand that her young are not babies anymore.

Worry about my child feels like labor all over again. I want her to be safe because we are connected as only a mother and child can be, but I also desire that she live her own life to the fullest. That involves giving her freedom and letting her go. As with labor, I will ride out the waves of anxiety with deep breaths and let it be.

8 comments:

Kez said...

I understand and sympathise! Did she have a great time?

Anonymous said...

Is Marina home now safe and sound? Did she take lots of pictures?

Love, Linda

jugglingpaynes said...

Yes, she had a great time and she is home now. There are over a thousand photos to sort through. I'll get some up soon!

Inner Elder said...

I am so happy Marina is home safe and sound. She really is a world traveler now. We are all very proud of the beautiful, responsible young woman she is. And yes, I worried about you when you went down to the city by yourself. Don't you remember how we drove down together for so long. You learned worrying from the champ! Love you! Mom

Stephanie said...

What a beautiful post. :-) It is also timely for me since my oldest is graduating from high school this month. I am so glad Marina got to go to England!

jugglingpaynes said...

Congratulations, Stephanie! So hard to watch our "babies" fly, isn't it? But I'm sure she will do just fine! :o)

Paula Vince said...

Good on you both. What a fantastic trip for Marina to have made. Even though we delay it, it's amazing how fast that nest leaving time seems to come.

Keeley said...

How fabulous that Marina got to visit England! =)
It's hard and painful to let go and let them fly. We've spent all their lives shepherding them and taking care of them...and now all of a sudden they're gone. It's a difficult and largely unenjoyable transition. As with all things though, we'll get through it and it'll turn out just fine. =) Hang in there!

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